If you read my blog post from a little bit back, you now know that I collect quite a bit of inspirational messages for you. I listen to and read about others that have had human experiences and have survived and/or thrived because of them and I take my own revelations and “A-HA!” moments and I contemplate them, turn them, and mold them into words for you.
I write down these epiphanies, voice record them and even handwrite them so I don’t forget them before I can share them with you. From time to time I go back to those lists and l read through them, always aways always with you on my mind. I think about how they will affect you, how they could help you, and what “A-HA!” moments could be discovered inside of you that will propel you forward on your path, helping you to live your best and most inspired life.
Then I realized I had made a mistake that is so universally made, I just couldn’t believe it. A mistake that I speak out against. A mistake that is SO ubiquitous. A mistake that I truly believed I had mastered, only to realize that I not only did not master this pervasive, rotten mistake, but that I was s.w.i.m.m.i.n.g. in it. I was rolling around in it, high-diving into it and slathered from head to toe with it dripping off of me.
What was that mistake?
I was so busy taking care of you, I forgot to take care of me.
Better yet, I thought I was taking such good care of myself I never stopped to think that I wasn’t. I was so busy collecting and gathering such colossal buckets of inspiration and life lessons for you, I left my own bucket run dry.
Do you know I never once read any of those inspirational messages, ideas, or ruminations as if they were for me? All of my writings (and good goddess, you have no idea…there are so many) I wrote for you, I never once considered that maybe I was writing them for me.
How utterly ridiculous.
I thought you needed my help so much, my guidance and my direction. I thought I was doing you so much good. HA! Ohhhh the mighty ego rears her ugly little face.
And then I realized I didn’t feel so good. I didn’t know why but I felt tired, depleted, depressed, unfulfilled and so confused. Everything around me started to fall apart and all I could do was watch it crumble.
I won’t lie to you because how could I, my dearest friend? Those pieces are still falling away and I’m still picking them up and I’m still so depleted. But at least now I see some clearing in all of this. I realize now I need to come back to Me. I need to take care of Me, love on Me, take time for Me, get back to the center of Me.
That is the lovely thing about being centered; so much chaos could be going on all around you and you just watch it go by. You can do that because you are so strong in your center that you don’t get knocked off kilter.
I’m still pretty wobbly, and trust me, seeing the path doesn’t make the path any less jagged, hard to climb or even dangerous. It gives me purpose, but it is certainly not easy.
Wish me luck, keep me in your heart, and if you happen to run across a particularly inspirational message that moves you, maybe this time you could pass it on to me?
Be well, my friend. I’ll write again soon.